Paranormal Activity Bore (I mean, 4)

I just finished doing what I swore I wouldn't do: watch Paranormal Activity 4, a.k.a the scariest series I've ever seen aside from the Grudge. I cried at least once during the previous three installments, and with this one being an actual sequel instead of a prequel, I figured this would kill me too. To my surprise (and slight relief) it didn't, nor do I think it will haunt me.
This one centers around a rich (you know they are) family of four with a semi-absent father, a mother, a cute, teenage daughter named Alex, and their adopted 6-year old son, Wyatt. Alex, of course, has a fetish for recording everything, and so we have our Micah. Alex's funny and likeable boyfriend, Ben, is also frequently present. They recently had some odd new neighbors move in across the street; a creepy boy around Wyatt's age named Robbie and his single mother, who has never been seen. One night, his mother goes to the hospital and Robbie has to stay at Alex's house for a few days since he has no one else, and thus the trap is set.
Toby, our resident demon, is much less malicious as he started off as in the first two movies, and has become more "child friendly"; he's typically, um, sensed playing with Robbie and Wyatt as he was with Kristi in PA3. Most of his hijinks are basic pranks, such as stealing a knife while the mom has her back turned, or moving chairs, never really doing anything harmful. Robbie is the odd one, and he becomes an influence on Wyatt. Of course, Alex catches some of the weird behavior on camera and begins to investigate, eventually coming to the conclusion that they're being haunted, and weird-ass Robbie has something to do with it. Of course, she tries to tell her parents, but no one believes her. Katie makes her triumphant return, and in typical PA fashion, the worst of Toby is unleashed at the end.
It's a slow ride to the climax, that's for sure, and aside from the occasional jump-scares, is not really scary. It's not until the last two or three minutes of the film that anything really bad happens. It's the same PA formula we've seen before, but now it's trying the patience of the audience. Toby seemed like a grown demon with bad intention when we first met him, but now he seems like a cackling pre-teen with an obsession with pranks. There doesn't seem to be much of an escalation of his machinations and it makes the ending seem random and uncharacteristic.

Alex and Ben, our main protagonists, are very likeable kids. I enjoyed their parts of the film the most and wish there were more scenes with them and Wyatt, the adorable tyke. This was probably the first movie where I wasn't like "Yeah, wipe that family out." Alex's parents seemed distant and flat. The mother kind of reminded me of Terri Schuester from Glee, oddly enough. Robbie's weird, if I hadn't said it before, and I definitely wouldn't let that child stay in my house for days at a time. I wouldn't even let him inside to use the bathroom. I believe the family occasionally uses a camcorder and the laptop recorders as well, and I think Alex was using her phone at the end to film stuff. They also use the Xbox Kinect for those tracking dots ALL THE TIME. I've never hated little dots of light so much.

If you're dedicated to finishing the series or just want to stay caught up, then yeah, go watch it. If you're one of those people I don't understand that actually like being terrified and losing sleep, then this isn't for you. Trust me, you're adrenaline will not get pumped at ALL.

Beastly

If you keep up with my Twitter, you've probably noticed that aside from commenting on the weekly WWE Raw episodes, I've been raving about this movie coming out called Beastly, starring some British kid named Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens and also features Neil Patrick Harris and Mary-Kate Olsen.
Let me complain about casting for a minute. I don't have any real beef with Vanessa Hudgens, but she's usually put in the same category as Miley Cyrus and other Disney starlets, so I immediately cringe and start to scream at the casting directors for selling out, which is unfair I admit. And I'm starting to get tired of British actors coming over with the American accents and taking American roles. Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia are fine because they're all British, but have you noticed a trend in Hollywood? R.Patz, Andrew Garfield (the new Spiderman), and this Pettyfer kid (who is also the new "hunk" from that alien movie, I Am Number Four) are getting all this American attention. We have good, non-Disney actors who could fill these parts, but since Cedric Diggory came to America and started biting people, the Brits are getting national attention and appearing on movie posters everywhere. People are like "Hey, the British accent is hot now. Let's put you in a movie. Would you like some pudding?" It's a bit much now. We fought too hard for independence, you guys. Can we please stick to it?
On another note, I love NPH and am glad to see Mary-Kate back in something worth paying attention to. I've missed the Olsen sisters and am excited to see Mary-Kate on the big screen where she belongs.
Now for the story: it's a modern version of Beauty and the Beast, but more in the beast's perspective. I know, it pretty much ruined the plot, but I promise it's going to be worth the money to go see it. Watching the trailer made me cry. It's going to be beautiful!! If there's not a midnight premier, I'm going the first day.

Pirates of the Caribbean and the Jack Sparrow dilemma

I can never escape the pirates. They were my school's mascot, my cousin still kind of thinks he is one, and now the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is opening two days after my birthday, probably to make up for the end of the Shrek series, which shares my b-day normally. I just watched POTC's new trailer and, well, I'll explain.
I realized that no one cares about the plots of this series, we just want to see Johnny Depp. This movie looks a little hard to follow and it seems the writer just dumped a barrel of mythical creatures into the script for no reason at all, but I still plan to spend the $5 to watch Jack Sparrow run around and make me laugh.
I've also realized where I stand on my feelings for Jack Sparrow. As mega-hot as he is, it just wouldn't work. There's something wrong with him mentally and his illness+mine would destroy any children we'd be unlucky enough to make. Plus, his life is just ridiculous, and I think a lot of girls (aside from my step-sister) are coming to this conclusion as well. During the first movie we were like "Yeah, he's hot enough to go through all of this crap for" or "I could do this every day! I could live that life" but after the next two movies, we realized that we couldn't and that he wasn't. Watching the trailer for the new one brought it up again. I'd just give him one last kiss, tell him I'll never forget him, and then jump into the nearest safety boat and head out somewhere slightly more normal. His life is just too dizzying.
I also saw him interact with Penelope Cruz, and I was surprised that I didn't have the overwhelming urge to slit her throat for touching my (former) man like I still kind of do when I see Gwen Stefani with Gavin or Megumi with Hyde. They're pretty hot together, and I like the pairing. On a side note, have you noticed that Penelope's real-life man is the guy who always plays the "other man" or that "irresistible" guy who makes the female characters feel like they haven't lived enough and want to change that? I can't count how many movies I've seen him sweep attached women off their feet and make them feel alive. I wonder how he and Johnny would do in a seduction fight...