Wednesday, April 20, 2011

....Really, Hollywood? 5 Movies That Severely Disappointed Me

We all know Hollywood fails sometimes, and it definitely has in recent years. There are some movies that rock your world, some you forgot you even saw, and then there are those. You know what I'm talking about. The movies that trick you during promotion, whose trailers gave you goosebumps and trick you into buying a ticket. Then you get to the theater with your bowl of expensive popcorn, and you've gone to the bathroom four times before the movie started so there'd be no way you'd have to leave during the movie for anything and miss any moment of this epic thing you're about to see. Sadly, about halfway through, you wish you could go to the bathroom or have any excuse to leave this fail of a picture. The movie itself isn't bad, but all of the hype and high expectations make it all so much worse. Here are the top five movies that had let me down, horribly.

5. Jumper (2008): Ugh, ugh, ugh. Maybe it’s Hayden Christensen’s fault, but no doubt about it, this movie sucked. I don’t know how someone could go wrong with a teleporting movie, but that’s what this one did. Maybe because they put a plot in it.

4. Babylon A.D. (2008): This movie hurt my dad's wallet and my heart. I used to be in love with Vin Diesel, and 2008, his comeback year, got me excited and I couldn't be happier. After watching this movie, I realized I wouldn't be. It sucked. Royally. It also confused me; how did a white virgin give birth to a mixed-race child? Ugh, biology mourns, along with the rest of us.

3. Max Payne (2008): The trailer lied to me. I thought this was going to be a supernatural thriller full of demons, gargoyles, and carnage, but it turned out to be full of drugs and organized crime. The ending was epic in so many ways, but the movie fell flat for me. They offered me monsters and gave me disappointment.

2. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004): It was so disappointing that I don’t remember anything about it except for how bad it was. When Socrates, my main mind-hamster, started working for me, he made sure to delete those files. All I remember is how bad my dad failed for making us watch this movie. Even he’s ashamed, and we’ll never let him live it down.

1. Ponyo (2009): It was a Miyazaki movie. It was supposed to be amazing and heartwarming, but no, it miserably, miserably failed. It was gunned down by the country of epic fail and it spiraled down to the Pacific Fail Ocean. My main points: 5-year olds shouldn’t get married, and “goldfish” shouldn’t have faces.