Pirates of the Caribbean and the Jack Sparrow dilemma

I can never escape the pirates. They were my school's mascot, my cousin still kind of thinks he is one, and now the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is opening two days after my birthday, probably to make up for the end of the Shrek series, which shares my b-day normally. I just watched POTC's new trailer and, well, I'll explain.
I realized that no one cares about the plots of this series, we just want to see Johnny Depp. This movie looks a little hard to follow and it seems the writer just dumped a barrel of mythical creatures into the script for no reason at all, but I still plan to spend the $5 to watch Jack Sparrow run around and make me laugh.
I've also realized where I stand on my feelings for Jack Sparrow. As mega-hot as he is, it just wouldn't work. There's something wrong with him mentally and his illness+mine would destroy any children we'd be unlucky enough to make. Plus, his life is just ridiculous, and I think a lot of girls (aside from my step-sister) are coming to this conclusion as well. During the first movie we were like "Yeah, he's hot enough to go through all of this crap for" or "I could do this every day! I could live that life" but after the next two movies, we realized that we couldn't and that he wasn't. Watching the trailer for the new one brought it up again. I'd just give him one last kiss, tell him I'll never forget him, and then jump into the nearest safety boat and head out somewhere slightly more normal. His life is just too dizzying.
I also saw him interact with Penelope Cruz, and I was surprised that I didn't have the overwhelming urge to slit her throat for touching my (former) man like I still kind of do when I see Gwen Stefani with Gavin or Megumi with Hyde. They're pretty hot together, and I like the pairing. On a side note, have you noticed that Penelope's real-life man is the guy who always plays the "other man" or that "irresistible" guy who makes the female characters feel like they haven't lived enough and want to change that? I can't count how many movies I've seen him sweep attached women off their feet and make them feel alive. I wonder how he and Johnny would do in a seduction fight...